Monthly Archives: January 2016

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What’s In Your Tool Box?

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Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  Philippians 4:8

How often do you play the brainwashing tapes?  You know, the ones that keep you miserable.  While there are likely current and legitimate issues that are cause for concern, how many of your thoughts start with phrases like: “I could have”, “I should have”, “I wish I had”, “How could they” or “What will happen if”?   If you’re like me, the greater question is what tools do you have to stop them, do they work and are they readily used?

Personally, my mind can be a scary place, especially when I have too much time and don’t feel well…those often go together.  If I’m not careful, I start dwelling on all of the negatives.  For example, the state of our nation and the current political scene makes me want to bury my head in the sand.   Then there are the difficult or broken relationships and events in the past that I just want to fix or rewrite for a different outcome.  If my illness is invading my life more than usual, I can obsess about what needs to be done to mitigate the symptoms.  There are also the struggles my wife and children are facing that I would like to remedy but must wait for God to handle.  If those aren’t enough, there is fear of the future and what it holds.  The list goes on, but you get the point.  There are a plethora of issues that the devil can use to distract us and undermine our faith…or at least weaken it to the point that we allow ourselves to be sidelined and our joy and hope to be evaporated.  However, if we work on it, we can accumulate tools to help us avoid the trap.  Today I’m letting you take a look at a few of mine which are, admittedly, most necessary when the body is weak and the mind is active.

One of my first defenses is pictures.  They are always there.  While I was still able to work, two collages of nine pictures each hung in my office.  One was of our family and our parents and the other consisted of pictures of events or activities…things like dancing, skiing, and vacations.  These were pictures taken since my illness invaded.  The purpose was to remind myself that no matter how bad things get, they are not always awful.  There are moments and even periods of time full of enjoyment and blessing.  The pain is still there, but so is the enjoyment.  Having those visual reminders around helps me to take the focus off of the negatives and on to the more positive aspects of life.  Now that my office is in my home, it is full of pictures.  I just checked; there are over 130 pictures to remind me of times and people that have and do bring me joy.  While most fall into the last 58 years, there are a few back to the 1940’s and earlier.  Everywhere I look, there is a reason to dwell on something pleasant.

Music is another help.  If my mind starts drifting to the dark side or my body begins to hurt, I’ll often play music.  I have an eclectic collection from alternative to world genres recorded over the last 80 years or more that can cover just about any issue.  However, the darker the mood, the more I lean to Christian Contemporary to reinforce biblical truth.  If I am totally honest, the more I hurt, the louder the music is played.  My wife can tell how bad I feel by how much the windows are rattling when she pulls in the garage.  On the worst of days, the dog won’t even stay in the house.   Recently, I was feeling off and decided to employ my IPod.  I decided to use a playlist that I had prepared for my father’s funeral, but never actually used.  Do you think that was an odd choice?  So did I, but it “called me”.  I had intended to wallow a bit, but as I listened, I felt my spirits lifting.  When I considered the unexpected result and the irony, I realized that all of the songs reflected hope…hope in our Lord and the blessings expected in eternity.

When able, a change in activity helps or at least moving to a different room or sitting outside.   At times, it takes getting out of the house to reorient myself.  Gardening is good for that and has the added benefit of being in the sunshine and fresh air.

These are all environmental stimuli.  They help us because we are physical beings that react to our surroundings.  They are important and effective, but there are also the spiritual tools of prayer and scripture.  Sadly, I fear that they are easily neglected because they are more active than passive and, therefore, require the intentional use of our minds.  Something that we may not feel up to but is required to maintain our mental and spiritual equilibrium.

Philippians 4 also reminds us to employ prayer.  “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)  Humbly pour your heart out to God.  But note the “with thanksgiving”; we may not always feel thankful, but the act of obedience often leads to a thankful spirit even when times are difficult.  A thankful spirit is always lighter.  Further, consider confessions as well as requests.  I say this because I was convicted of it through a couple of devotions and passages God sent my way this morning.  (One you can overlook one as random; a pattern is hard to explain away.)  You may say “I’m just frustrated” what do I have to confess?”  Consider a few things I had to confess:  trust, is not our fear often founded in a lack of trust that God will handle our situation as we see fit rather than as He deems appropriate; rebellion, are not many of our anxious moments forged by our inability to accept what God has ordained for us; forgiveness, many of the stressors in our relationships often come down to a failure to forgive or at least love as we should; or laziness, not properly maintaining our souls allows us to forget our hope and lose our perspective.  A great conclusion for prayer is Psalm 119:159 “Consider how I love Your precepts; revive me, O Lord, according to Your lovingkindness.”

Also consider scripture which is not only helpful in lifting our spirits, but is also useful in maintaining our spiritual armor.  With its availability in both written and audio form, one can adjust the amount of energy necessary a bit.  When I’m feeling anxious, I often start at Matthew 6 and keep reading until I feel better or am too tired to continue.  There we are reminded: “Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”(Matthew 6:31-33)  When life seems unfair, Job is quite helpful.  Specifically, Job 38:1-42:6 speaks to God’s power and our inability to challenge Him.  Psalm 139 (a personal favorite) reminds us that God has a plan for our lives and that He knows us intimately.   He is most certainly not unfamiliar with or disconnected from our circumstances. When I just don’t know what I need, I go from Psalm to Psalm or just read highlighted portions of scripture in the bible that I’ve used since high school until I am calmed.  In the words of David:  “Remember the word to Your servant, in which You have made me hope.  This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has revived me.”  (Psalm 119:49-50)

In 1 Peter 5:8 we are warned:  “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”  In our weakened state, we are an easy mark.  This requires us to be vigilant and use all of the weapons available in our defense.  That’s our responsibility.  But the good news is that we are not alone.  We have; a Heavenly Father, God Almighty, who loves us and is our Fortress, Tower of Strength, and Deliverer; Christ, the King of Kings who is our Good Shepherd, Redeemer and Advocate; and the Holy Spirit who is our Guide, Teacher and Comforter.   This is my comfort in affliction; let it be yours as well.

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Endurance

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Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  James 1:2-3

I’m glad James used the plural version.  Illness isn’t just one trial; it’s a complex series of trials.  The base line is the illness itself, the side effects of the required medications or the residual symptoms created by a treatment.  Another layer is the endless stream of necessary procedures, or the “random” infection the pops up at a most inconvenient time.  Let’s not forget equipment errors, like dislodging your PICC line an hour before you’re supposed to renew your wedding vows because you were in hurry when you flushed the line.  The social layer is no small thing.  People often don’t understand why you have to cancel plans; why you’re so quiet when you’re just trying to keep it together; or the avoidance techniques you have to develop to sidestep that well intentioned bear hug aimed at the new scar or implant.  And then there are the related social pressures of the well-meaning but misguided to have a better attitude, more faith or resolve that unconfessed sin.  Even the general population weighs in like the TSA agent that gets irritated that you refuse to put your TPN bag on the conveyer despite showing them the IV going into your arm or the person who questions the validity of you using a handicapped space because you don’t have a wheelchair.  Finally, there’s what goes on in your mind in the middle of the night or when your situations seems unbearable: complete terror, doubting God’s goodness and your faith, questioning you’re ability to endure, or worrying about the impact on those you love.  I could go on, but I’ll stop there.  Besides, you have your own set of trials and understand the problem all too vividly.  So yes, James is correct to say trials; but why are we to be joyful?

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Give Thanks to the Lord

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Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.  Psalm 136:1

Life is a struggle.  Christ confirmed this in John 16:33 “In the world you have tribulation”.  Life with chronic illness or pain increases the level of difficulty.  In addition to facing life’s common trials and managing the chores of living while not feeling well, there are other hurdles such as:  side effects of medications, interactions with medical personnel that may be less than attentive, medical procedures to manage and endure; insurance problems and often mounting debt.  It’s easy to become overwhelmed and wallow in fatigue and frustration.  Sometimes just getting through the day is so challenging that we may forget how much we have to be thankful for and fail to properly respond to it.  Thankfulness is a choice that too often gets lost in the shuffle.

A couple of years ago, a friend was part of a mission trip arranged by our church.  After returning home, the group provided a recap during our worship service.  As is common, the presentation included photos.  One was of a sick woman who lived alone in a hut, slept on a mat on the dirt floor and had minimal options for clothing.   (I believe it was limited to a second dress.)  Due to the common pitfall of coveting and arrogance, I generally do not like to compare my circumstances to that of another.  However, in this case, God used it to start moving me to appreciate what I take for granted.  In contrast to woman in the picture, our home is generally comfortable.  Despite the difference of opinion regarding the appropriate setting of the thermostat (yes, we are one of those couples), we are protected from temperature extremes and the elements.  Our bed is soft and warm.  The closet has clothes for every season.  My wife and children care for me as the need arises.  While it is not our first choice, my wife has a career that amply provides for our general wellbeing.  Further, despite its imperfections, we enjoy medical care that is much better than the world average.  In these, there is much to be thankful for.

Then there is the general grace that we enjoy.  Since we are still living, our Lord is sustaining our bodies and holding them together. It may be with difficulty, but we breathe, communicate our needs and wants, and receive nourishment.   Even if it is only through a window, we can enjoy God creation around us. He has also provided the ability to endure our circumstances thus far.  Most of us in Western Culture still enjoy the freedom to worship God without fear of persecution.    Finally, despite the effects of sin in our bodies and lives, there is so much more from which God has protected us.

As our culture is obsessed with what we are entitled to, let’s go one step deeper to what we actually deserve.  Romans 6:23 tells us that “the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”.  Further, Romans 3:23 tells us that “all have sinned”.  So despite conventional “wisdom”, the best that we deserve is death and punishment…a punishment that is devoid of God’s presence.  However, in God’s mercy, we Christians have been given the gift of salvation and spared the agony of Hell and, more importantly, separation from God.  Further, we have Christ and the Holy Spirit with us, interceding for us and giving us the grace to endure “the race that is set before us”…both physically and spiritually.   In that light, we are truly blessed both now and for eternity.

Yes, in this life we will have trouble, but in the rest of the verse, Christ tells us to “take courage; for I have overcome the world”.   So as we awaken, go through our day and lie down at night, let us choose to thank God for His mercies large and small.  Let us focus on the many things that He has graciously provided, rather than what we have lost or must endure.  Join with me in being thankful that we do not suffer alone, but God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is with us sustaining us, providing for us, comforting us and encouraging us in ways that are infinitely better than we deserve.

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100

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Restoring Our Temples

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They assembled their brothers, consecrated themselves, and went in to cleanse the house of the Lord, according to the commandment of the king by the words of the Lord. 2 Chronicles 29:15.

It’s January and the common focus is change.  New Year’s resolutions are the buzz.  It’s the time when many people focus on cleaning up their homes, habits and attitudes.  Some are successful while others are not.  The difference is diligence and fortitude.

I recently mentioned to my pastor that I was about 21 months into a one year plan to read through the bible.  We laughed at the irony of my statement, but the sad truth is that this was a 2014 resolution and I’m still not finished…ugh.   While a case could be made that I have truly read much more in that time frame, the chronological plan hasn’t been completed.  Nevertheless, as I finish Kings and Chronicles, one of the stories that has caught my attention is Hezekiah’s role in Judah.  When Hezekiah became king of Judah, his desire to serve God led him to clean out the temple.  The kings of Judah varied in their spiritual walk.  One of the reasons was that they married for the purposes of political alliance rather godliness.  With those marriages, various forms of idolatry were introduced.  At their best, the kings may have been righteous, but not “wholly devoted” to God.  Therefore, while they sought to do what was right in the sight of God, they still allowed the negative influences to infect their households and, consequently, a godly king was often followed by a son that was idolatrous.  Over time, the temple fell into disrepair and worse, the vessels intended to be used in the worship of God were moved out and or used for idolatry.  Further, idols were moved into the temple.  At the command of Hezekiah, the temple was cleaned out and repaired.

In 1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us that we are the temple of God.  Sadly, like the nation of Judah, it’s easy for us to become distracted and allow idols into our lives.  Illness takes a lot of energy to manage.  It often becomes the primary focus of our lives and easily becomes our identity.  Then the idols begin to move in: a diagnosis, a new doctor, a new drug or treatment plan or complete healing to name a few.  While the pursuit of these things is not wrong, allowing our hope in them to take precedence while permitting our hope in God to wane is setting them up as idols.  If that isn’t enough, anger, bitterness and frustration may settle in and take root.  Further, in our distraction, we let our spiritual armor as described in Ephesians 6 sit in the corner collecting dust and rust leaving us without the protection needed to ward off attack.  In short, we allow our temples to fall into disrepair.

As I write this, my own life is recovering from turmoil.  I have allowed illness, obligation and personal attack to distract me and inhibit my walk with the Lord.  Rather than fighting my symptoms to spend quality time with God, I’ve regularly taken the easy path of not making the effort.  Consequently, as pressures in life have mounted, I have not trusted in God’s sovereignty and perfect plan as I should and not employed the defenses that He provides.  This has caused me to become immobile and ineffective.  In other words, I have allowed my temple (mind, body and soul) to fall into disrepair and worse, I have installed worldly idols that need to be removed.  Less figuratively, I have allowed sin to take root by not being diligent in protecting my soul.  I can see the damage and it’s time to clean things up.

Culturally we’re taught that illness or other significant life crises give us a temporary stay from moral or godly obligations, however, the bible does not.  We as Christians are called to be wholeheartedly devoted to God.  We are to trust Him in every circumstance and seek to be His witnesses.  We can’t do that if our temple is in disrepair or full of idols.  So it’s time to take a look at our temples.  If you are maintaining your soul and body in a godly fashion, praise God.  Keep up the good work.   If not, it’s time to reflect and evaluate.  Are you diligent in spending time with God and maintaining your soul? Is your heart wholly devoted to Him?  Are you doing the things within your control to care for your body?  Has bitterness, anger, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, coveting, sexual sin or any other bad behavior(s) been allowed to take root?  If, like me, there is work to be done, seek out the resources and people to help you and hold you accountable.  With a bit of diligence and the strength of the Holy Spirit, we can be restored to a place of peace and joy or as David put it: “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.”  Psalm 51:12.

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Mourning to Dancing

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“Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; O Lord, be my helper.”  You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;  You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,  that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalm 30:10-12

Twenty-five years ago, my life was turned upside down by chronic illness. I couldn’t eat, pain was intense and there seemed to be no answers. As the list of things that I couldn’t eat grew and my weight diminished to the point that co-workers were commenting with concern, my hope also waned. Without hope, I became frustrated and short tempered. Normal kept changing and for two years there were no answers. When a diagnosis finally came, it didn’t really answer the questions. My disease is rare and there are no real treatment plans. I could not bear the thought of living with the pain. Nor could I bear the thought of how my illness and inability to cope was affecting my wife and young children. To say that I was in mourning would be an understatement.
I struggled to reconcile my current circumstances with what I had been taught about God and His love for us. Where was all of the goodness promised to those who love God? How could God expect me to endure this pain indefinitely? While sympathetic to my condition, the Christians in my life provided no spiritual counsel. All of the attention was on my physical symptoms, but my soul did not appear to be on anyone’s radar.
For 12 years I wallowed. A change in churches helped. While not directly related to illness, a lot of truth was being poured into my life and my soul began to stir. Finally, I was forced to end my career as a CPA. It was then that I began facilitating a support group for the chronically ill. Truth related to my illness began to flood in. God had not abandoned me, but had been patiently laying the ground work to revive me…to move me from religion and legalism to a relationship with Him. He gave me a different perspective and began to restore my hope. He was, in fact, turning my mourning to dancing.
There were different aspects of change. One aspect was the redefining terms. For example good was no longer what made me happy, but what drew me closer to God and blessing became more related to my soul than physical comfort…not that the two can’t come together. There was also the redefining of my purpose in life. It wasn’t until my career was out of the way that I began to grasp the concept that the real goal in life is to “glorify God and enjoy Him”. It wasn’t about my objectives, but God’s plan…how He would use me as His vessel. Roman 8:28 and Romans 5:1-5 became real and vivid. Finally, there is a change in perspective. Call it a choice, call it spin or use whatever term you prefer, but in the end we either live for the moment or we live for eternity. I’m giving it my best to live with an eternal perspective.
My sorrow has truly been turned to dancing. It does not mean that I have been perfected, that I have all of the answers or that I am happy all of the time. What it does mean is that I face the difficulties of my disease and life with a hope that I did not previously enjoy. Tough circumstances are still a challenge and life is not always comfortable, but for those of us that trust in our Lord, it is always blessed…whether or not we see it. That is our hope and that is what carries us through the dark days.
Clearly this is an introductory post. Hopefully, for those of you with chronic illness, it provides a point of comradery and mutual understanding. Our pain may be different, but the lessons to be learned and the means of coping are similar. For all, it is a basis and context for future posts. In the end, we are called to be the best we that can be within our circumstances and view all of the events of our lives as an opportunity to glorify God and see how He is working them for good in our lives.
The metaphor I’ve chosen is meaningful in that it is both literal and figurative. My wife and I began taking dance lessons in spite of my illness. It is one thing that still brings joy and a sense of normalcy. The concentration that it takes to lead and move around the dance floor without collision while attempting to properly execute various steps take so much concentration, that I rarely feel the pain in my body while I’m dancing. We aren’t always graceful. We tire, have missteps and stumble, but we keep moving and trying to perfect our form. Similarly, dealing with chronic illness takes effort. Our response to illness is a choice and there are several options. We can sit on the perimeter and wallow. Whether bitter or afraid, the affect is still the same, we merely exist. Another option is to stomp through the dance out of obligation. While we may be moving, there is no grace and there certainly is no joy. It is purely obligatory and nothing glorious about it. Finally, we can accept our circumstances and fix our focus on God’s eternal plan rather than our immediate circumstances. In so doing, we move with hope, with joy and with grace and are a witness to those who watch us. Not only is our spirit lifted, but we encourage others as well.
For those of you who understand this concept and allow it to guide you, let us encourages each other. For those who are raw, hurting and confused, I offer that God has moved me from begging for my life to end to being hopeful and understanding the value of the struggle. If He can do that for me, He can do that for you as well.