He who neglects
discipline despises himself, but he who listens to reproof acquires
understanding. Proverbs
15:32
During my recent
drive to New England and back, I was rounding a curve in the road using the
passing lane. A semi in the right lane
put on their turn signal and proceeded to cut me off. I was a bit irritated until a few moments
later I saw that there was another vehicle in the breakdown lane. The curve in the road blocked our view until
the last moment. The vision of the car
seemed to be God’s way of adjusting my attitude about the driving of others. Granted, I was a bit road weary and tired of
being cut off by vehicles significantly exceeding the average speed of
traffic. However, in this case, I had
made assumptions with limited information and errantly responded accordingly.
Discipline, rebuke, correction, constructive criticism, punishment, etc. are words that usually make us uncomfortable because the remind us of our fallibility and sinful nature. Another challenge is that the person seeking to change our behavior is also fallible. Consequently, the nature of our relationship usually determines how well we listen and whether or not we modify our conduct. How we respond will also have an impact on that relationship. The same is true of our bond with our Heavenly Father. When He chooses to discipline us, we need to refrain from judgments about His goodness and love that undermine our relationship as we have very limited information. Rather we ought to accept His guidance gladly by focusing on His motivation, goal and character.
Listen, my son, and be
wise, and direct your heart in the way. Proverbs 23:19
I have just returned from a trip that included driving 2,000
miles. I was a bit apprehensive about
the traveling that far alone as I didn’t really feel well. This was compounded by the fact that recently
Satan seems to be raising many doubts and fears. However, as I look back, not only did God
sustain and protect me, but He was also speaking to me. Throughout the trip, He was working to reshape
my thinking through instruction, discipline and reassurance. The elements were all there, I just had to
listen. Most certainly I heard and
understood the messages provided through the sermons that I listened to while
driving; however, it took a near accident at the end of the trip to really get
me to notice how much God had been speaking to me throughout my travels. Honestly, I’m not sure I have gotten it all, however,
over the next three posts I’d like to share how God used each of these to
mature me in my faith.
When Jesus came into
Peter’s home, He saw his mother-in-law lying sick in bed with a fever. He
touched her hand, and the fever left her; and she got up and waited on Him.
Matthew 8:14-15
This week celebrates the 93rd anniversary of my
mother’s birth; the 98th anniversary of my father’s birth; and the
the 73rd anniversary of their marriage. Yes, they packed it all neatly into one
week…with Mother’s Day thrown in for good measure regularly. As I take time to remember them and what they
meant to me, I am grateful for them and thankful that they pointed me to Christ
from the time I was born. Further, I am
grateful for what they taught me through example. A significant gift that they each exhibited
regularly was their servant’s heart which caused them to be helpful and
compassionate in a variety of circumstances.
It is a desire that was passed on to me.
As I prepare to make a lengthy drive to visit and help my mother-in-law,
I am reminded of the honor and privilege it that it was to help my parents and
my father-in-law at the end of their lives.
Now I have the opportunity to assist Ma as well. When we help others whether through acts of
service, encouragement, teaching or some other form, it is a blessing to both
parties.
The LORD has made
everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil. Proverbs 16:4
“Right time, right place” is a phrase commonly used to indicate good fortune. Conversely, “wrong time, wrong place” is often used to describe an unfortunate outcome or tragedy. Both of these imply coincidence, luck, or fate rather than direction at the hand of our sovereign Lord. When it comes to God’s sovereignty and planning, people readily accept that our Creator is directly responsible for placing us in circumstances that we view as a blessing or useful service to God and man. However, there is a great reluctance to include the difficult circumstances in life as God ordained placement, equipping, refinement, or calling home. To put it another way, God is often seen as decidedly directing blessings, but assuming a reactionary role in trials. Nevertheless, while God does not perpetrate evil, He resolutely creates each person, actively directs the course of their lives and decisively places them to accomplish His purposes. Therefore, as the verse above indicates, we (both God fearing and wicked) are all created with purpose and equipped accordingly and Esther was no exception.
A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
One Sunday evening while in college, I was walking to church
from my dorm. It was a short distance,
but early on I met up with an older lady attending the same service. As we walked, she made a statement that
judgmental and uninformed which has frustrated me all these years. Her comment left me in an awful position: to
agree with her was to insult my mother and to disagree was to insult my
father. Those words crushed my spirit
and still raise a fair amount of ire every time I think about them. In contrast, the words of my dear friend
Rosemary were always soothing…even in her reprimands. She consistently knew how I was feeling
without asking. If she thought I wasn’t
taking care of myself properly, I was scolded.
Not giving her a hug right away also elicited a gentle rebuke. One thing was certain; at some point in our
conversation she would tell me she loved me.
The statement was regularly followed with “I mean that” in a tone of
certainty that only someone from Eastern Ohio/Western Pennsylvania could
produce. Rosemary has gone to her
eternal reward and her presence is missed every time I enter the sanctuary
because she was such a blessing to me.
What these two examples reflect is that our words have great potential
to harm or the sooth.
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
Rash words have significant and uncontrollable
consequences. By definition, they are
not soothing, but rather wounding.
Consider again, my first example.
The words cut deeply into my soul; they angered me; and they left a
memory that recurs uninvited inflicting the damage anew over and over again. Consequently the harm has been long
lasting. Those words have also impacted
everyone with whom I engage. Her words as
well as the rash words of others in the Christian community have left a mark
that has caused me to be very cautious.
Consequently, I am much more guarded with Christians than non-Christians
as experience has taught me that I am treated with greater respect, acceptance,
grace and kindness by those outside the church.
Thankfully, the consistent and determined soothing words of Rosemary
(and others like her) have had a healing effect and allow me to remain hopeful
of healthy relationships within the church family.
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
There are times when the soothing tongue is the silent
tongue. 2 Corinthians 12:20 and other
passages like it instruct us to refrain from gossiping or associating with
those who do. More specifically,
Proverbs 10:17 tells us that we foster love when we conceal a
transgression. Whether it is a
transgression that we need to forgive or one that requires us to quietly speak
the truth with grace to correct them, the matter should not be discussed with
others. Finally, no matter how
innocently intended, we need to be careful when we share “news” about others as
there are many ways that we may do harm.
We may inadvertently: break a confidence; add commentary that may or may
not be entirely truthful; dredge up old wounds; rekindle strife or quarrels; or
become divisive. To drive the point
home, Proverbs 21:23 reminds us that when we guard our mouth and our tongue, we
not only protect others, but we protect our own souls from troubles. To live and love well is to judiciously limit
what we say to and about others.
Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Out of curiosity, I quickly did a search to see if anyone
had determined how many soothing comments that it takes to overcome an unkind
comment. One article in a Christian publication
stated that a minimum it was 2:1.
However, in marriage, some felt that it was likely 5:1. Another study quoted in “Harvard Business
Review” looked at work groups. They
found that business units with medium effectiveness had 1.9 (almost 2:1)
positive comments for every criticism.
However, in highly effective units, the ratio was 5.6:1…almost six
positive comments to offset each critical one.
These articles were older than I would have liked, but make the point
that criticism does damage and we don’t get over it easily. Knowing this better than we do, God
repeatedly instructs us to guard what we say and to encourage one another. While it’s a good starting point, an apology
alone will not overcome a thoughtless word.
Consequently, it is much better to guard our tongues and speak soothing
words of encouragement rather than make destructive comments.
Looking forward
I don’t like recalling past hurts as they have great
potential to stir up much angst that has little relevance now. The only value that they really have is to
remind me to diligently guard my own comments to others. While I have been harmed by more than one
unkind comment, I shudder to think how many I’ve made inadvertently or in the
heat of a disagreement. For the pain
inflicted on me, I must truly forgive just as I must seek forgiveness for the
hurt I have caused. Thankfully, the
example set for me by Rosemary and others like her point me in the right
direction.
May God grant us all the maturity and godly direction to
guard our words well so that they are a soothing balm and encouragement
others. When we are harmed by the words of another,
may we find solace in the soothing words and promises of our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ.
Be ready to do whatever
is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be
gentle toward everyone.
But you are a chosen
race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so
that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of
darkness into His marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9
Striving to be a holy child of God is often difficult. On
rough days like today, I really have no desire to be responsible for anything.
I don’t want to do anything; I don’t want to think; and I don’t want to
interact with others. I just want to withdraw,
move as little as possible and emote.
However, that is not living well.
To be sure, we must address the needs of our bodies that arise due to
illness and aging, but even in our frailty we are called to be obedient and
proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called us. One of the ways that we do that is rising to
be faithful, obedient, grateful, kind, considerate and caring despite the
challenges that we face. It is
certainly a battle to be holy, but understanding various facets of the struggle
allows us to fight intelligently.
Reading God’s Word and meditating on its truth will have a purifying effect upon your mind and heart, and will be demonstrated in your life. Let nothing take the place of this daily privilege.
The Spirit Himself
testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs
also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him
so that we may also be glorified with Him. Romans 8:16-17
As I continue to facilitate another support group, I have
the benefit of being reminded of (or in some cases, relearning) past lessons regarding
the roll of suffering in faith and in my relationship with God. I’ve been going to church since I was born
and I’ve been a Christian most of my life.
Much of my childhood was spent being instructed in or listening to the
finer points of faith being discussed or debated. As an adult, I’ve participated in many such
discussions and led a few. These are the
things of religion. While I have had a
relationship with God since my youth and recognize periods of significant
spiritual growth throughout my life, that relationship has been significantly altered
by my illness. In that regard, my
suffering has been my greatest blessing in that has matured my faith and pushed
me to a deeper relationship with our Lord.
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
Merriam-Webster defines encumbered as impeded, hampered or
hindered with respect to functions or activities. A reality of my life and the lives of others
dealing with chronic illness and pain is that we are encumbered in everything
we do. Those of us are encumbered with
respect to our ability to function are also, by definition, encumbered in our
activities. Often it’s not just the
physical issues but also the mental ones.
It takes so much energy to accept and manage our physical problems and
limitations that we are also mentally encumbered. Further, the problem is not limited to those
with physical or mental problems, but also extends to those who are grieving,
have relationship problems or are enduring some other trial. These may also find themselves encumbered as
they attempt to accomplish the tasks set before them. Despite our struggles, God still calls us to
complete tasks for Him. It is not ours
to question or deny but rather to complete with aide of our Heavenly Father.
If we do anything to further the kingdom of God, we may expect to find what Christ found on that road – abuse, indifference, injustice, misunderstanding, trouble of some kind. Take it. Why not? To that you were called. In Latin America someone who feels sorry for himself is said to look like a donkey in a downpour. If we think of the glorious fact that we are on the same path with Jesus, we might see a rainbow.
