Category Archives: Renewal

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The Prisons We Build

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“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor.  He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed.”  Luke 4:18

Last week was an interesting week.  First, I met with a new GI doctor who is clearly the first specialist to look at my medical history in total rather than just his area of expertise.  The result is that he feels that the diagnosis that has governed my care for the last 23 years is probably inaccurate.  In short, it is too myopic and does not consider that there is possibly an underlying problem that ties my various health issues together.  While I should be ecstatic that he cares enough to take a fresh look at things, it is unsettling to go back to the world of “undiagnosed” and start the diagnostic process over.

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Reminders

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“Cross again to the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan, and each of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Israel. Let this be a sign among you, so that when your children ask later, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’  then you shall say to them, ‘Because the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord; when it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.’ So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever.”  Joshua 4:5-7

God knows us and how forgetful we can be.

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God is the Strength of My Heart

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My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Psalm 73:26

Strength is one of those things that waxes and wanes, varies from person to person and can be considered in terms of physical, mental and spiritual attributes.  No matter what aspect is being considered, at the core of this discussion we must remember that any form or degree of strength that we have is provided and sustained by our Heavenly Father in Christ.  

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Restoring Our Temples

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They assembled their brothers, consecrated themselves, and went in to cleanse the house of the Lord, according to the commandment of the king by the words of the Lord. 2 Chronicles 29:15.

It’s January and the common focus is change.  New Year’s resolutions are the buzz.  It’s the time when many people focus on cleaning up their homes, habits and attitudes.  Some are successful while others are not.  The difference is diligence and fortitude.

I recently mentioned to my pastor that I was about 21 months into a one year plan to read through the bible.  We laughed at the irony of my statement, but the sad truth is that this was a 2014 resolution and I’m still not finished…ugh.   While a case could be made that I have truly read much more in that time frame, the chronological plan hasn’t been completed.  Nevertheless, as I finish Kings and Chronicles, one of the stories that has caught my attention is Hezekiah’s role in Judah.  When Hezekiah became king of Judah, his desire to serve God led him to clean out the temple.  The kings of Judah varied in their spiritual walk.  One of the reasons was that they married for the purposes of political alliance rather godliness.  With those marriages, various forms of idolatry were introduced.  At their best, the kings may have been righteous, but not “wholly devoted” to God.  Therefore, while they sought to do what was right in the sight of God, they still allowed the negative influences to infect their households and, consequently, a godly king was often followed by a son that was idolatrous.  Over time, the temple fell into disrepair and worse, the vessels intended to be used in the worship of God were moved out and or used for idolatry.  Further, idols were moved into the temple.  At the command of Hezekiah, the temple was cleaned out and repaired.

In 1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us that we are the temple of God.  Sadly, like the nation of Judah, it’s easy for us to become distracted and allow idols into our lives.  Illness takes a lot of energy to manage.  It often becomes the primary focus of our lives and easily becomes our identity.  Then the idols begin to move in: a diagnosis, a new doctor, a new drug or treatment plan or complete healing to name a few.  While the pursuit of these things is not wrong, allowing our hope in them to take precedence while permitting our hope in God to wane is setting them up as idols.  If that isn’t enough, anger, bitterness and frustration may settle in and take root.  Further, in our distraction, we let our spiritual armor as described in Ephesians 6 sit in the corner collecting dust and rust leaving us without the protection needed to ward off attack.  In short, we allow our temples to fall into disrepair.

As I write this, my own life is recovering from turmoil.  I have allowed illness, obligation and personal attack to distract me and inhibit my walk with the Lord.  Rather than fighting my symptoms to spend quality time with God, I’ve regularly taken the easy path of not making the effort.  Consequently, as pressures in life have mounted, I have not trusted in God’s sovereignty and perfect plan as I should and not employed the defenses that He provides.  This has caused me to become immobile and ineffective.  In other words, I have allowed my temple (mind, body and soul) to fall into disrepair and worse, I have installed worldly idols that need to be removed.  Less figuratively, I have allowed sin to take root by not being diligent in protecting my soul.  I can see the damage and it’s time to clean things up.

Culturally we’re taught that illness or other significant life crises give us a temporary stay from moral or godly obligations, however, the bible does not.  We as Christians are called to be wholeheartedly devoted to God.  We are to trust Him in every circumstance and seek to be His witnesses.  We can’t do that if our temple is in disrepair or full of idols.  So it’s time to take a look at our temples.  If you are maintaining your soul and body in a godly fashion, praise God.  Keep up the good work.   If not, it’s time to reflect and evaluate.  Are you diligent in spending time with God and maintaining your soul? Is your heart wholly devoted to Him?  Are you doing the things within your control to care for your body?  Has bitterness, anger, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, coveting, sexual sin or any other bad behavior(s) been allowed to take root?  If, like me, there is work to be done, seek out the resources and people to help you and hold you accountable.  With a bit of diligence and the strength of the Holy Spirit, we can be restored to a place of peace and joy or as David put it: “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.”  Psalm 51:12.

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Mourning to Dancing

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“Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; O Lord, be my helper.”  You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;  You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,  that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalm 30:10-12

Twenty-five years ago, my life was turned upside down by chronic illness. I couldn’t eat, pain was intense and there seemed to be no answers. As the list of things that I couldn’t eat grew and my weight diminished to the point that co-workers were commenting with concern, my hope also waned. Without hope, I became frustrated and short tempered. Normal kept changing and for two years there were no answers. When a diagnosis finally came, it didn’t really answer the questions. My disease is rare and there are no real treatment plans. I could not bear the thought of living with the pain. Nor could I bear the thought of how my illness and inability to cope was affecting my wife and young children. To say that I was in mourning would be an understatement.
I struggled to reconcile my current circumstances with what I had been taught about God and His love for us. Where was all of the goodness promised to those who love God? How could God expect me to endure this pain indefinitely? While sympathetic to my condition, the Christians in my life provided no spiritual counsel. All of the attention was on my physical symptoms, but my soul did not appear to be on anyone’s radar.
For 12 years I wallowed. A change in churches helped. While not directly related to illness, a lot of truth was being poured into my life and my soul began to stir. Finally, I was forced to end my career as a CPA. It was then that I began facilitating a support group for the chronically ill. Truth related to my illness began to flood in. God had not abandoned me, but had been patiently laying the ground work to revive me…to move me from religion and legalism to a relationship with Him. He gave me a different perspective and began to restore my hope. He was, in fact, turning my mourning to dancing.
There were different aspects of change. One aspect was the redefining terms. For example good was no longer what made me happy, but what drew me closer to God and blessing became more related to my soul than physical comfort…not that the two can’t come together. There was also the redefining of my purpose in life. It wasn’t until my career was out of the way that I began to grasp the concept that the real goal in life is to “glorify God and enjoy Him”. It wasn’t about my objectives, but God’s plan…how He would use me as His vessel. Roman 8:28 and Romans 5:1-5 became real and vivid. Finally, there is a change in perspective. Call it a choice, call it spin or use whatever term you prefer, but in the end we either live for the moment or we live for eternity. I’m giving it my best to live with an eternal perspective.
My sorrow has truly been turned to dancing. It does not mean that I have been perfected, that I have all of the answers or that I am happy all of the time. What it does mean is that I face the difficulties of my disease and life with a hope that I did not previously enjoy. Tough circumstances are still a challenge and life is not always comfortable, but for those of us that trust in our Lord, it is always blessed…whether or not we see it. That is our hope and that is what carries us through the dark days.
Clearly this is an introductory post. Hopefully, for those of you with chronic illness, it provides a point of comradery and mutual understanding. Our pain may be different, but the lessons to be learned and the means of coping are similar. For all, it is a basis and context for future posts. In the end, we are called to be the best we that can be within our circumstances and view all of the events of our lives as an opportunity to glorify God and see how He is working them for good in our lives.
The metaphor I’ve chosen is meaningful in that it is both literal and figurative. My wife and I began taking dance lessons in spite of my illness. It is one thing that still brings joy and a sense of normalcy. The concentration that it takes to lead and move around the dance floor without collision while attempting to properly execute various steps take so much concentration, that I rarely feel the pain in my body while I’m dancing. We aren’t always graceful. We tire, have missteps and stumble, but we keep moving and trying to perfect our form. Similarly, dealing with chronic illness takes effort. Our response to illness is a choice and there are several options. We can sit on the perimeter and wallow. Whether bitter or afraid, the affect is still the same, we merely exist. Another option is to stomp through the dance out of obligation. While we may be moving, there is no grace and there certainly is no joy. It is purely obligatory and nothing glorious about it. Finally, we can accept our circumstances and fix our focus on God’s eternal plan rather than our immediate circumstances. In so doing, we move with hope, with joy and with grace and are a witness to those who watch us. Not only is our spirit lifted, but we encourage others as well.
For those of you who understand this concept and allow it to guide you, let us encourages each other. For those who are raw, hurting and confused, I offer that God has moved me from begging for my life to end to being hopeful and understanding the value of the struggle. If He can do that for me, He can do that for you as well.