“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,’ so that we confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?’ Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:4-7
This past weekend Marie and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. While I would like to say that it was an entirely blissful 40 years, that would not be a true statement for two reasons. We are both fallible humans still in the process of sanctification and there have been trials that have tested our faith in each other and our God. However, what I am able to declare as true is that those 40 years have been blessed and I would, therefore, like to share a bit of our walk with you.
If you read from the beginning of Hebrews 13, you will see that Paul is asserting a list of essential behaviors for the body of Christ; they are in essence keys to living well. Honoring marriage is just one of them. However, if you look beyond the issues themselves, you see a few common denominators that allow for success in these areas. Three factors that promote success not only in our marriages, but also in other areas of life are: commitment, love and God’s intervention.
“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal faithfully are His delight.” (Proverbs 12:22) As our culture moves farther and farther away from Christian principals, true commitment is becoming less prevalent. Whether it relates to marriage, work, church, or something else, a key factor in our integrity is how well we keep our promises and fulfill our responsibilities. Despite our youth when we wed, Marie and I have always felt that our marriage vows were sacred and, therefore, separation and divorce were not viable options for us. There was one very dark period in our marriage when illness, job loss and financial strains introduced a significant amount of stress and uncertainty that led us to discuss separation. However, it was a very short lived discussion as there were three prevailing concerns: our God, our family and ourselves. Our relationship with God demands that we honor Him and strive to be good representatives for Him. Abandoning our marriage vows would undermine both our individual and joint relationships with God as well as our testimony. Our family was certainly another concern as we had no desire to inflict that kind of pain on our children nor did we wish to complicate our other relationships with family and friends. Further, we received a legacy of commitment and perseverance from our respective parents and greatly desired to pass that legacy on to our children and grandchildren in order to provide hope in life no matter what comes their way. Finally, by grace we understand that we are better together; separating, would have merely exchanged one set of problems for another and, therefore, we prefer to work at the challenges to overcome the differences in our personalities and preferences. Whether it is a vow, a promise, a contract or a commitment to serve, we must always strive to fulfill the obligations as unto the Lord. It is more than an impulse or choice; it is a matter of faith, integrity and testimony with an impact that extends beyond ourselves.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) As part of our wedding vows, we quoted 1 Corinthians 13 and have come to understand how great a challenge it is to fulfill those vows. Despite our inconsistent performance with respect to the first part of this list, I can say that by God’s grace we have done reasonably well on the latter items. God has given us a deep affection for each other and a bond that were solidly confirmed when we chose to stay together and have grown stronger with each challenge that has come our way. At the core of that affection are the recognition of gifts, care and endurance. Just as in the greater body of Christ, we recognize and respect the fact that each of us has different gifts and weaknesses. They are not a source of jealousy or arrogance, but rather a means to more efficiently accomplish our goals. That outlook has allowed us to parent well, entertain, manage our household, etc. At times we work together; at others, we “divide and conquer”. Care and concern for each other has been another hallmark of our marriage. No matter how close or distant we felt emotionally nor the type of need (spiritual or physical), we have both willingly spent a fair amount of time caring for the other. Much time has been spent in waiting rooms, walking hospital hallways, and attending to each other’s needs without concern for ourselves. As each trial has come our way, we have learned a greater capacity to endure. We now understand that things may sadden or frustrate us, but we will endure and, in most cases, be better for the experience as it adds depth to our relationship and further strengthens our marriage. On a grander scale, as a part of the body of Christ, we are all called to love well just as God has loved us and to use our gifts to care for and encourage each other so that we may all endure the various trials of our lives while relying on God’s sustaining grace. This is what brings cohesion to the family of God.
“He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,’ so that we confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.” (Hebrews 13:5-6) Hopefully you have noticed that all the glory goes to God for our years together. But for God, we would not have met, married or endured. God created each of us with particular interests and skills as He planned to put us together. We came from different backgrounds, different parts of the country, were in different classes in college, ran in different circles and yet He brought us together through a very tragic accident and overcame our differences to complete His plan. He has used our different outlooks and to challenge each other’s’ beliefs to mature our faith. He has sustained our faith in difficult times to grow our hope, strengthen our perseverance and increase our joy. At times He used one of us to encourage the other; at other times, when we were both struggling, He patiently sustained, encouraged and strengthened us individually until we were both on solid footing spiritually and mentally. He has used that pain and anguish to correct us, teach us, equip us and give us hope. As new trials arise, we become aware of more facets of His love, strength, wisdom and faithfulness. He has proven Himself to be loving, able and faithful to all of His promises and we are blessed. The Lord has truly been our helper and remains the same yesterday and today and forever.
While this post has been written in the context of marriage, it applies no matter what marital status we have or what circumstance we find ourselves in. When we honor our commitments to God and man and live with integrity according to His principles, God honors us both in this life and the next. God has loved us with an everlasting love and asks us to share that love with each other. As we do this, relationships are strengthened and souls are encouraged. Finally, while we have the responsibility to live and love well, we must always remember that we rely on God’s sustaining grace and strength. We can do nothing without Him. Yet, He is with us in every circumstance ready and willing to provide direction, help with our need, and to encourage us…we merely need to ask. He is our loving, able and faithful Father, Savior and Comforter and Sovereign over all.
Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever.
Will