“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ” Ephesians 2:4-5
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
This series of posts is dedicated to my mother Ruth as she is the inspiration. She was not a perfect person and certainly did not have an easy life, but she loved well, loved her Lord and clung to His promises.
Sometime around 1945-1946 while my parents were dating, my mother stopped by her home to pick up some belongings. Due to a previous altercation, she attempted to do this while her father was not at home. Sadly, he was. After a loud argument and in a drunken rage he pushed her down the steep flight of stairs between their apartment and the outside entrance. My father, hearing the argument, ran into the house and up the stairs in time to catch my mother from behind while her mother grabbed her skirt from the landing above. Roughly eight to ten years later, my grandmother filed for a legal separation and her attorney made this incident the basis of his case. Having to relive this event would upset my mother and haunt her for years. But in the midst of that pain, God in His mercy caused my grandfather to be so horrified by the details of this event that he stopped drinking and asked my mother for forgiveness. God in His mercy gave my mother the ability to forgive him and allowed the relationship to be restored. It paved the way for my siblings and I to know our grandfather.
Forgiveness is one of those things that is truly a simple concept. However, because of our sinful nature as well as common misconceptions within the church and society, it can be a very difficult thing. Consequently, we need to start any discussion of forgiveness with the obvious beginning that God in His mercy has forgiven us. Because of God’s great love and Christ’s sacrifice, we have been forgiven. We not only escape the penalty, but more importantly enjoy a reconciled relationship with God and will enjoy His presence for eternity. We are called to forgive by God’s command and by His example…that in a nutshell is the basis for forgiveness.
Like everyone else, I often struggle with forgiveness…especially when the other party does not repent. It feels counterintuitive and painful. However, it is precisely what God calls us to do. For me, it is most difficult in situations when there is the possibility of continued threat. However, I find that even when there is no threat, the event is long past and the issue has been dealt with on my part, Satan will bring it back around to stir things up. Such is my situation as I write this. I find my head swimming with old and not so old hurts that have no bearing on my current circumstances. That said let’s consider a few basics.
First, what forgiveness is not. It is not approval. When we grant forgiveness, it is not endorsement of the act or a statement that it was acceptable or justified. Further, without repentance on the part of the offender, it is also not reconciliation. Reconciliation can only come when it is preceded with true repentance. Finally, it is not a means of settling up with God. While we may forgive because we have been forgiven much more, we are not repaying a debt. We could not ever repay God and it is sinful to try to reduce God’s immense love for us to a business transaction. The forgiveness that we receive is “according to the riches of His grace”. (Ephesians 1:7) That said, let’s consider a few verses and what they teach us about forgiveness.
“Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4) When we are harmed, we are told to go to the offending party and confront them in the proper spirit. When they request that we forgive them, we are obligated to forgive…even when they repeatedly sin against us. If you are tempted to consider this as unreasonable, consider once again God’s example before us. On a daily basis, we regularly sin in thought, word, deed and omission. God accepts our repentance and forgives. If God in His faithfulness does this for us, should we not do it for each other and allow relationships to be whole rather than fractured? If we are to live godly lives, we are impelled to follow the example of God. Even when it is a heinous offense or it is without repentance, we should consider the example of Christ and of Steven who forgave their murderers just prior to their deaths.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15) “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.” (Mark 11:25) Refusing to forgive others inhibits our relationship with God and the forgiveness of our own sins. If you think about it, refusing to forgive unrepentant sin our part and inhibits our relationship with our Heavenly Father. This is explained clearly by the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:21-35. Further, this parable concludes by reminding us that not only must we forgive verbally, but we must more importantly do it from our hearts.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32) Given our self-centered culture, it’s easy to forget that we are not alone and that we are part of something larger. It’s difficult for the body of Christ to function cohesively and have an effective testimony to the world at large if it is full of bitterness, wrath, anger and slander. Further, it is very difficult for any individual to fulfill the command to be content when we are holding on to these things. Rather than being discontent, Colossians 3:12-14 reminds us: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” The commands that God gives us are always for our benefit. When we are obedient, we are content and our relationships with God and man are maintained bringing unity and a faithful testimony. While it may not always feel right, it is in fact exactly what we must do and we will be better for it in both this life and the next.
Because of my mother’s willingness to forgive her father, I enjoyed knowing him. As he lived within driving distance from the college that I attended, I was able to have a few one-on-one visits with my grandfather during my freshman year. Those few times were precious to me as I got to know him better. The following summer he required surgery and his slow recovery demanded that he stay with my parents for several weeks so that my mother could care for him. During that surgery it was discovered that he had aneurism which concerned my parents. They didn’t want him to drive and risk an accident that might hurt anyone, but he would not give up driving easily. Once again, God in His mercy took my grandfather the day before he was to return home. In over 40 years of nursing, he would be the only person for whom my mother ever had to do CPR. Yet, even in her loss she understood that her willingness to rise above the pain and forgive allowed her to enjoy a renewed relationship with him and to care for him in his time of need. I trust that it was a blessing to both of them.
May you see the mercy of God in your life and willing extend it to those around you.
Will