Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor. Romans 13:7
I had some medical tests done today by men and women I had never met before. They exhibited concern for me as patient and I trusted them for their knowledge. These were brief exchanges, but despite the fact that these medical professionals were literally inflicting various levels of stress and pain on my body, they passed pleasantly and with rapport. Many years ago, I had a colleague with whom I developed a close relationship. Our desks were less than four feet apart, we went out socially with our wives and it was often commented at work that you rarely saw one of us without the other. When he was promoted and had to move to another building, I helped move his personal items after the bank closed. All went well until he asked me to carry a painting belonging to the bank to his car. Since I knew his intent was to take it home, I refused which angered him. The fact that I was a Christian and he was not had never been a problem, but he had never asked me to compromise my beliefs before. It forever changed our relationship. While I still had affection for him as a friend, I could not feel comfortable in the relationship as my trust level had diminished. Later when he was quite ill, I visited him regularly and kept his wife company in the ICU waiting area as they had no family in town. When I became ill, he visited and witnessing my decline became quite concerned. But, there was still a barrier to the deeper relationship we had once enjoyed. Many years ago, there was a church dinner. Things were said, feelings were hurt and the church split. For over 100 years these two churches in the same small town which were part of the same denomination would operate separately. Even after the original parties had been dead for some time, they would not reunite. In the end, when their numbers had dwindled to the point the neither church could be self-sufficient, they reunited for financial reasons. The common denominator in these stories is the respect involved. Interactions in the first scenario went smoothly as mutual respect and cooperation reigned. The relationship in the second limped; there was mutual affection, but lack of respect, integrity and faith diminished trust and prevented a solid relationship. Finally, in the third case, a Christian community was fractured as emotions were allowed to overrule respect.
Paul encourages Christians to properly honor people. Sometimes we respect individuals because of their position; sometimes it is because of their character, but ideally, it is for both. I must admit it can be a challenge at times. While it’s relatively easy to have respect for individuals with great integrity who lack a significant title, having respect for anyone who is disagreeable or lacks principles can be trying. Here’s a short list of people we’re commanded to honor:
- Honor your father and your mother (Exodus 20:12)
- You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way… and show her honor (1 Peter 3:7)
- The wife must see to it that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33)
- Honor widows who are widows indeed (1 Timothy 5:3)
- Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. (1 Peter 2:13 and 17)
- Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect (1 Peter 2:18)
At the most basic level, we are to have respect for our fellow humans because they are, as we are, created in the image of God. We’re also commanded to honor those in authority over us. This includes local and national leaders, supervisors and employers, law enforcement officers and judges, etc. None of these requires a relationship or direct knowledge of integrity. However, in keeping this command, we are able to live peaceable lives, have a testimony through our integrity and provide an opportunity for God to be glorified (1 Timothy 2:2).
However, once a relationship is introduced, honoring acquires a new dimension as interaction and familiarity bring new challenges to the situation. In a mutually respectful relationship, there is give and take. When both parties mutually honor each other, there is a strong bond and allowances can be made for minor offenses. In contrast, when there is a lack of respect by at least one of the parties, there is discord as trust is diminished or absent. Sometimes this is due to a general lack of integrity; in other instances, it is due to one or more injuries that undermine the relationship. The nature of the relationship, the degree of corruption and the significance of injury will dictate how difficult it is to maintain respect. In these cases, we’re admonished to reconcile when able and forgive always. When we don’t, communication starts to breakdown and relationships begin to unravel. As respect and trust wane, the relationship weakens. When allowed to continue, the barrier becomes greater further undermining trust and respect. That’s why were instruction not to “let the sun go down on our wrath”. Over time, even the smallest infraction becomes monumental and an accumulation of unresolved differences (minor or otherwise) leads major discord.
Failure to follow God’s principles leads to such things as fines, imprisonment, job loss, broken relationships, breakdown in communication, isolation, fear and stress. However, what I would consider the greatest impact is hindered prayer (1 Peter 3:7). Whether it is from discord, stress or lack of obedience, our prayers are hindered by our broken relationships. However, when honor those we are called to honor, respect members of the general public, the old and the young, our leaders (church and civil), coworkers (employers, supervisors, equals and subordinates) , brothers and sisters in Christ, family members, and spouses, we live peacefully with healthy relationships, a clear conscience and unhindered prayer. Further, when our relationships are built on mutual trust and mended with sincere forgiveness and reconciliation in a timely fashion, they become much stronger as trust increases. Realistically we only have control over ourselves; we can’t force others to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. Consequently, we can’t mend every relationship, but we are still able to forgive and having done our part, have a clear conscience.
There are some relationships that need to end or to be modified to set boundaries. Certainly abusive people and those that pull us away from God’s principles should be kept at a distance. However, respect for the other party and forgiveness should reign despite ending the relationship. Remember, Steven and our Lord who both prayed for the forgiveness of their murderers. We are all tested and tried and certainly, Satan wants to use errors, sin and emotions to keep us from fulfilling God’s mandate to have respect for and honor others. Yet we need to strive to follow the pattern that God has given us as we interact in society. It is not only being obedient, but is also honoring to God which should be our primary concern. Consequently, I urge you, as well as myself, to follow Paul’s further instruction in Romans 12:18