My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
Yet again I find myself failing. I have done what I can to pace myself, but my body is weak and does not seem to be up to the task these days, therefore, this will be brief.
Psalm 73:26 is a primary life verse for me. It is the reminder and encouragement that keeps me going and is, therefore, the heart of my ability to rise each day to face new challenges. Most people don’t like to fail and I certainly don’t. I’m a recovering perfectionist who hates to complete a job at anything less than excellence. However, I am neither perfect nor capable of what I would consider my best work all of the time. If you have been following my blog closely, you know that we have moved and that the efforts of the last few months have taken their toll on my body. Further, the change from warm weather to cold presents additional challenges. Consequently, I find myself in a state of failure and am sluggish at best. It’s a horrible place to be, but I often find myself here. Not only do I hate this state, but I hate admitting it even more, but it is my reality. There are good days and bad days; there are good periods and bad periods. Those of you that struggle with chronic illness know this all too well. So for the moment, failure it is.
If God has taught me anything over the last 28 years it is that I can endure this for as long as it takes without losing hope. That hope rests in Him alone. He is therefore, the strength of my heart. He has faithfully helped me endure for the long haul and will continue to do so as long as I remain on this earth. He has never left me or forsaken me. At my worst He has sustained me and eventually allowed me to rise again…sometimes quickly and sometimes at a slower pace. He has also surrounded me with loving family and friends who help in times of need. That too is an encouragement that keeps my hope alive. It is also a spiritual lesson that my soul is just as weak and dependent on Him as my body. It is a lesson easily forgotten when things are going well. Therefore, I am always grateful that He lovingly reminds me that both my body and soul are in need of His sustaining grace at all times and that He faithfully provides as promised.
Another lesson learned through illness is that God is enough. Our loving Heavenly Father has used my illness to teach me to look beyond this world to eternity and that the joy Heaven holds is living in His presence. If that is true of the next life, is it not certainly true of this life as well. God is at the center and He is enough. As kind, loving and helpful as people can be, their help is inadequate to provide all that I need. They cannot sustain my body nor can they hold me (or the world) together as our Lord and Savior does. However God does this consistently. The God who designed me, created me, and called me, also loves me, sustains me, forgives me, and comforts me; He is enough. Everything else is a bonus.
I pray that whatever you may be facing now or when trials come, you too will find that God is the strength of your heart and your portion…that He is enough.
As someone who shares living life with new limits, thank you for this post. Lately, I seem to be often asking myself not “can I do this” but rather “should I do this.” What is the real priority and what will be the real cost. Sometimes I have to ask others (or pay others) to do things I could do, so that I can do the important things. A new experience of humility….But God is gracious and still blesses!
You’re welcome Bruce.
You have stated our dilemma well. It is certainly an exercise in humility.
Thanks for commenting.
Thank you, Will. I can’t begin to express how much I appreciate your sharing your journey in this way. God is using you in mighty ways.
Jeff, thanks for the encouragement. For obvious reasons, there are times when I wonder if it is worth the effort.