Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Psalm 55:22
As I was going into the groomer’s shop this week to pick up our dog, our groomer was going to her car and looked at me but didn’t acknowledge me. Later when she came back into the shop, she apologized for making me wait and stated that she thought I was a teenager using one of their parking spots and admitted that she was frustrated that a non-customer might be using their allotted parking space. Given my age, salt and pepper hair, and a few extra pounds, the thought of me looking more than 40 years younger was laughable, but I took the “win”. In her defense, I had on a hat, sun glasses and gym clothes making her quick glance less than informative. Similar misconceptions may arise for those of us with invisible illnesses. It can be challenging when people make assumptions regarding our health based on how we look. When we make the effort to attend events and do our best to look good, others often fail to understand how ill we are, how difficult daily tasks can be, or how challenging it is for us to engage in social activities. Those struggling with grief or various trials may face some of the same challenges with respect to the understanding or expectations of others as their struggle is not readily visible. Even those with visible disorders may be challenged by the expectations and assumptions of others if they strive to present a strong demeanor. Consequently, the phrase “you look good” can quickly crush our spirits. This was certainly true for me for many years until I was shown a more biblical perspective that involves the impact of God’s sustaining grace.
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16
Scripture teaches us that Christ sustains all things. It also instructs us that He intercedes on our behalf because He fully understands our weaknesses in all of its forms. With that understanding, consider the impact of Christ’s sustaining power with respect to how we look when we strive to live well and to glorify Him. When look fine despite our struggle(s), it is the grace of God that has not allowed our countenance to succumb to our illness or trials. As we are able rise to interact with others, meet obligations, participate in social events, attend church, etc., it is the sustaining grace and strength of our Lord that permits us to do those things. While we may feel (and even be) weak on the inside, our body has been given the capability to function somewhat normally. Finally, our ability to engage is evidence that God’s sustaining power and the intercession of our Savior have not permitted our struggle to crush our spirit or our personality. Further, it reflects our reliance on the strength of God and trust in His wisdom and power rather than our own. When we look well despite our trials, it is God at work to uphold us and protect us from the devastation that illness and struggles often have on our visage.
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Consider also God’s sustaining grace with respect to the countenance of our souls. As we seek to live for Him and maintain an eternal focus on the rewards of Heaven rather than our trials on Earth, our souls are refined, strengthened and renewed. That process allows us to recognize weaknesses in others that are similar to our own. Specifically, people often blurt out general observations or thoughtless comments without considering the impact or damage. As we become strengthened in our faith and become accustomed to our struggles, we should be increasingly able to overlook the insensitive words of others recognizing that they were not intended to harm but rather to compliment. Certainly, there will be those who are judgmental and make unkind assumptions due to their ignorance or unkind demeanor. In those cases we are called to mimic our Savior and His servant Steven who begged God to forgive those who were taking their lives in ignorance. Just as the grace of our Lord and Savior allows us to function and look good, so too, it allows us to not take into account a wrong suffered, but rather be loving and forgiving.
Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. Proverbs 21:2
How we look to others is not nearly as important as how we stand before Almighty God and ourselves. As the passage above and 1 Samuel 16:7 indicate, God sees through the façade that we present to others…and sometimes to ourselves. He knows our strengths and weaknesses physically, emotionally and spiritually; He fully appreciates our struggle and our sinful nature. While He loves us as we are, He desires that we become more like Christ and gently reveals our spiritual weaknesses in part rather than the whole so that we are not overwhelmed. We must understand this kindness so that we neither overestimate our spiritual strength and character nor understate our spiritual depravity. Our spiritual growth depends on regularly evaluating our lives and behaviors honestly, drawing near to God, seeking His forgiveness, and pursuing His instruction. We have been saved by grace and the Lord will protect and deliver us safely into His kingdom, but we must understand our weaknesses and look to Him to continually sustain and perfect us. As we do this and allow God’s work and words to have an impact on our souls and our character, we care less about how we look to other people and more about how we look to God. It is only then that our countenance is radiant both physically and spiritually.
Postlude
The events of the early years of illness have left mark on my psyche. With few definitive answers, there were some in our social groups that refused to believe that I was sick. While, I enjoyed good medical care, there was even concern among my doctors that my inability to tolerate food might be stress related rather physical in nature. Consequently, my weight became the principal indicator of how much effort was put into diagnosis and treatment. When it was too low, those around me felt an urgency to understand and treat the root cause; when it went up, everyone but my family relaxed and assumed I was fine unaware of the constant pain that I endured. For at least the first 15 years of my illness, I really struggled with statements regarding how good I looked viewing them as doubt that I was truly ill. As a result, the anorexia initially caused by physical pain was exacerbated by the emotional pain resulting from the doubt and opinions of others. Even today as my Lord’s grace has allows me to cordially accept compliments on my appearance without concern for underlying judgments, I struggle to find a healthy weight that I am comfortable with. Therein lays an ongoing struggle.
In the midst of struggle, God truly has been faithful to His promises. In my sickness, He sustained both my body and my soul and taught me how to live with my illness. Through my sickness, He invited me to a deeper relationship with Him and began to instruct me in matters of faith and life. Because of my illness, He has given me sensitivity to others who struggle and a desire to help them. Over time, I have learned to be grateful when I don’t appear to be ill. I am also grateful that only those closest to me are aware of the rough days. More importantly, He has given me an eternal perspective and helps me to overcome my concerns and fears with respect to this life. He has also provided a hunger for His instruction. My life may be difficult, but my hope has been securely set before me by my faithful Savior. As a most gracious gift, He has (after 28 years) begun to unravel the mysteries of my illness and provided medication that actually treats my condition rather than mask symptoms. It has been and continues to be a learning process, but I have cast my burdens upon the Lord and He has sustained me, loved me and provided peace.
What about you? Do you allow the less than informed opinions others with respect to how you look or how you act weigh too heavily on your psyche? Do you believe that your Savior fully understands your struggle and desires to help you? Do you look to God to strengthen and sustain you? Are you grateful when you are able to appear as relatively normal despite your struggles? Do you allow God’s spirit make you to be gracious and forgiving? Do you prefer cultural wisdom that makes allowances for you or do you allow the Holy Spirit to strengthen and refine you? Do you understand that no matter how you look to others, you are beautiful to God as you seek to live for Him? Whatever your circumstance, demeanor or spiritual character, draw near to God at all times, allow Him to have His way in you and seek to live to His glory no matter how difficult the struggle for there are rewards in both this life and the one to come.