Our soul waits for the
Lord; He is our help and our shield. For
our heart rejoices in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let Your lovingkindness, O Lord, be upon us,
according as we have hoped in You. Psalm 33:20-22
When Marie
and I first moved to Chattanooga, we lived on Lookout Mountain. With respect to the greater area, it was
known as the place where “old money” lived; that is, those with established
wealth resided there. While not everyone
was wealthy, there were plenty of large houses and mansions as well as
expensive cars. Consequently, when we
purchased a home, we chose to move into the valley which not only allowed us to
purchase a better home for less money, but also made it easier to be content
with what God had provided for us.
While I recognized at that time that coveting and the resulting lack of
contentment were weaknesses of mine, God has used the various trials of life, especially
my illness, to teach me about contentment and that it is, in fact, a
choice. When it comes to that choice,
there are three options that can cause us to readily abandon contentment:
entitlement, anger, and worry.
But now, O LORD, You
are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work
of Your hand. Isaiah 64:8
As I write, facilitate support groups, council, and discuss
my own situation, the subject of God’s work to refine, shape and equip is always
a significant topic. While I certainly
don’t enjoy the pain and suffering associated with my health issues or the
negative impacts of them on my family members, I rejoice in what I have endured
due to the changes that they have brought in my life…especially my spiritual
life. Whether it is physical, spiritual
or mental pain, I know that God is at work refining me and perfecting
me…especially when I choose to cooperate with the process rather than fighting
it. I rejoice because God desires that I
be more like Christ and adequately equipped for each task that He has planned
for me. God in His love and mercy is
continually at work to mold me into the man that He envisioned before
time. (Ephesians 1:4) I also trust that He is doing the same for
you.
A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
One Sunday evening while in college, I was walking to church
from my dorm. It was a short distance,
but early on I met up with an older lady attending the same service. As we walked, she made a statement that
judgmental and uninformed which has frustrated me all these years. Her comment left me in an awful position: to
agree with her was to insult my mother and to disagree was to insult my
father. Those words crushed my spirit
and still raise a fair amount of ire every time I think about them. In contrast, the words of my dear friend
Rosemary were always soothing…even in her reprimands. She consistently knew how I was feeling
without asking. If she thought I wasn’t
taking care of myself properly, I was scolded.
Not giving her a hug right away also elicited a gentle rebuke. One thing was certain; at some point in our
conversation she would tell me she loved me.
The statement was regularly followed with “I mean that” in a tone of
certainty that only someone from Eastern Ohio/Western Pennsylvania could
produce. Rosemary has gone to her
eternal reward and her presence is missed every time I enter the sanctuary
because she was such a blessing to me.
What these two examples reflect is that our words have great potential
to harm or the sooth.
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
Rash words have significant and uncontrollable
consequences. By definition, they are
not soothing, but rather wounding.
Consider again, my first example.
The words cut deeply into my soul; they angered me; and they left a
memory that recurs uninvited inflicting the damage anew over and over again. Consequently the harm has been long
lasting. Those words have also impacted
everyone with whom I engage. Her words as
well as the rash words of others in the Christian community have left a mark
that has caused me to be very cautious.
Consequently, I am much more guarded with Christians than non-Christians
as experience has taught me that I am treated with greater respect, acceptance,
grace and kindness by those outside the church.
Thankfully, the consistent and determined soothing words of Rosemary
(and others like her) have had a healing effect and allow me to remain hopeful
of healthy relationships within the church family.
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
There are times when the soothing tongue is the silent
tongue. 2 Corinthians 12:20 and other
passages like it instruct us to refrain from gossiping or associating with
those who do. More specifically,
Proverbs 10:17 tells us that we foster love when we conceal a
transgression. Whether it is a
transgression that we need to forgive or one that requires us to quietly speak
the truth with grace to correct them, the matter should not be discussed with
others. Finally, no matter how
innocently intended, we need to be careful when we share “news” about others as
there are many ways that we may do harm.
We may inadvertently: break a confidence; add commentary that may or may
not be entirely truthful; dredge up old wounds; rekindle strife or quarrels; or
become divisive. To drive the point
home, Proverbs 21:23 reminds us that when we guard our mouth and our tongue, we
not only protect others, but we protect our own souls from troubles. To live and love well is to judiciously limit
what we say to and about others.
Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Out of curiosity, I quickly did a search to see if anyone
had determined how many soothing comments that it takes to overcome an unkind
comment. One article in a Christian publication
stated that a minimum it was 2:1.
However, in marriage, some felt that it was likely 5:1. Another study quoted in “Harvard Business
Review” looked at work groups. They
found that business units with medium effectiveness had 1.9 (almost 2:1)
positive comments for every criticism.
However, in highly effective units, the ratio was 5.6:1…almost six
positive comments to offset each critical one.
These articles were older than I would have liked, but make the point
that criticism does damage and we don’t get over it easily. Knowing this better than we do, God
repeatedly instructs us to guard what we say and to encourage one another. While it’s a good starting point, an apology
alone will not overcome a thoughtless word.
Consequently, it is much better to guard our tongues and speak soothing
words of encouragement rather than make destructive comments.
Looking forward
I don’t like recalling past hurts as they have great
potential to stir up much angst that has little relevance now. The only value that they really have is to
remind me to diligently guard my own comments to others. While I have been harmed by more than one
unkind comment, I shudder to think how many I’ve made inadvertently or in the
heat of a disagreement. For the pain
inflicted on me, I must truly forgive just as I must seek forgiveness for the
hurt I have caused. Thankfully, the
example set for me by Rosemary and others like her point me in the right
direction.
May God grant us all the maturity and godly direction to
guard our words well so that they are a soothing balm and encouragement
others. When we are harmed by the words of another,
may we find solace in the soothing words and promises of our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ.
Be ready to do whatever
is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be
gentle toward everyone.
But you are a chosen
race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so
that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of
darkness into His marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9
Striving to be a holy child of God is often difficult. On
rough days like today, I really have no desire to be responsible for anything.
I don’t want to do anything; I don’t want to think; and I don’t want to
interact with others. I just want to withdraw,
move as little as possible and emote.
However, that is not living well.
To be sure, we must address the needs of our bodies that arise due to
illness and aging, but even in our frailty we are called to be obedient and
proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called us. One of the ways that we do that is rising to
be faithful, obedient, grateful, kind, considerate and caring despite the
challenges that we face. It is
certainly a battle to be holy, but understanding various facets of the struggle
allows us to fight intelligently.
Reading God’s Word and meditating on its truth will have a purifying effect upon your mind and heart, and will be demonstrated in your life. Let nothing take the place of this daily privilege.
The Spirit Himself
testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs
also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him
so that we may also be glorified with Him. Romans 8:16-17
As I continue to facilitate another support group, I have
the benefit of being reminded of (or in some cases, relearning) past lessons regarding
the roll of suffering in faith and in my relationship with God. I’ve been going to church since I was born
and I’ve been a Christian most of my life.
Much of my childhood was spent being instructed in or listening to the
finer points of faith being discussed or debated. As an adult, I’ve participated in many such
discussions and led a few. These are the
things of religion. While I have had a
relationship with God since my youth and recognize periods of significant
spiritual growth throughout my life, that relationship has been significantly altered
by my illness. In that regard, my
suffering has been my greatest blessing in that has matured my faith and pushed
me to a deeper relationship with our Lord.
Now may the God of hope
fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
When I got out of bed this morning it was 10 degrees Fahrenheit. Anyone who knows me understands that I hate
winter. Having confessed that fact, God
is also working to remove my complaining spirit with respect to cold weather as
He has convicted me that the weather is ordained by Him and is one of those
things that requires that I trust His wisdom.
That said, this time of year I still long for warmer weather and look
for indications that it’s coming. The
first sign that gives me hope of more agreeable temperatures is the appearance
of snowdrops (shown above). They are the
very first flowers to blossom and snow does not bother them. My Aunt Margaret was the first to introduce
me to them and they have been a staple in my garden since then as they provide
the hope of spring and a reminder of the loving relationship that I had with
her. The next hopeful sign is the sound of birds
chirping in the early morning and the appearance of Robins. Finally, the crocuses and daffodils not only
allude to warmer weather but provide color that lifts the spirit. As much happiness as the expectation of
spring brings with it, there is no lasting joy or peace as I know that winter
will in fact come again. In contrast, my
spiritual hope is a different matter altogether as my hope in God brings with
it joy and peace.
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
Merriam-Webster defines encumbered as impeded, hampered or
hindered with respect to functions or activities. A reality of my life and the lives of others
dealing with chronic illness and pain is that we are encumbered in everything
we do. Those of us are encumbered with
respect to our ability to function are also, by definition, encumbered in our
activities. Often it’s not just the
physical issues but also the mental ones.
It takes so much energy to accept and manage our physical problems and
limitations that we are also mentally encumbered. Further, the problem is not limited to those
with physical or mental problems, but also extends to those who are grieving,
have relationship problems or are enduring some other trial. These may also find themselves encumbered as
they attempt to accomplish the tasks set before them. Despite our struggles, God still calls us to
complete tasks for Him. It is not ours
to question or deny but rather to complete with aide of our Heavenly Father.
