From whom the whole body,
being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to
the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body
for the building up of itself in love. Ephesians
4:16
Our new neighborhood
has sidewalks on the back side of each property creating nice series of paths. As I was walking our dog the other day, I
noticed the variety of back yards. Most
have either no fence or chain link fencing while a few have privacy
fences. As Marie and I considered what
to do about our own which needs some work, we have agreed that we prefer the
chain link as it keeps our yard open to meeting and greeting our
neighbors. This discussion caused me to
consider not only our yard but our life style and personalities. In other words, do we live our lives in ways
that invite others in or do we put up barriers?
While it’s very easy to do for a variety of reasons, Christ desires that
we love well living in community rather than in isolation.
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
A few weeks ago, I took my wife’s car in for service. While working on it, they found that three of
the light bulbs were out and asked if I wanted them to replace them. After a brief discussion, I decided to try to
save some money and do it myself. While
simple enough for many, it was not that for me.
As is the case with many of us with chronic illness, I had to mentally
gear up for something new, get the parts and then have the energy to attack the
project. Knowing my limitations, I
searched for and reviewed a few “how to” videos. The light bulb over the license plate didn’t
go quite as instructed or planned but I managed to get it replaced after a fair
amount of effort. However, the rear side
marker lights didn’t fare so well. There
were two clips holding the trunk liner in place that I could not get out. Thankfully, the next day our son-in-law Corey
figured it out and showed me the error of my ways allowing me to complete the
task. Without his counsel, I was failing,
but with his counsel I succeeded. In
this case, the situation was rather benign; however, often times counsel is
needed in more difficult circumstances.
If we are to be a helpful and encouraging companion, we need to be
discerning in our approach to counsel.
A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
One Sunday evening while in college, I was walking to church
from my dorm. It was a short distance,
but early on I met up with an older lady attending the same service. As we walked, she made a statement that
judgmental and uninformed which has frustrated me all these years. Her comment left me in an awful position: to
agree with her was to insult my mother and to disagree was to insult my
father. Those words crushed my spirit
and still raise a fair amount of ire every time I think about them. In contrast, the words of my dear friend
Rosemary were always soothing…even in her reprimands. She consistently knew how I was feeling
without asking. If she thought I wasn’t
taking care of myself properly, I was scolded.
Not giving her a hug right away also elicited a gentle rebuke. One thing was certain; at some point in our
conversation she would tell me she loved me.
The statement was regularly followed with “I mean that” in a tone of
certainty that only someone from Eastern Ohio/Western Pennsylvania could
produce. Rosemary has gone to her
eternal reward and her presence is missed every time I enter the sanctuary
because she was such a blessing to me.
What these two examples reflect is that our words have great potential
to harm or the sooth.
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
Rash words have significant and uncontrollable
consequences. By definition, they are
not soothing, but rather wounding.
Consider again, my first example.
The words cut deeply into my soul; they angered me; and they left a
memory that recurs uninvited inflicting the damage anew over and over again. Consequently the harm has been long
lasting. Those words have also impacted
everyone with whom I engage. Her words as
well as the rash words of others in the Christian community have left a mark
that has caused me to be very cautious.
Consequently, I am much more guarded with Christians than non-Christians
as experience has taught me that I am treated with greater respect, acceptance,
grace and kindness by those outside the church.
Thankfully, the consistent and determined soothing words of Rosemary
(and others like her) have had a healing effect and allow me to remain hopeful
of healthy relationships within the church family.
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
There are times when the soothing tongue is the silent
tongue. 2 Corinthians 12:20 and other
passages like it instruct us to refrain from gossiping or associating with
those who do. More specifically,
Proverbs 10:17 tells us that we foster love when we conceal a
transgression. Whether it is a
transgression that we need to forgive or one that requires us to quietly speak
the truth with grace to correct them, the matter should not be discussed with
others. Finally, no matter how
innocently intended, we need to be careful when we share “news” about others as
there are many ways that we may do harm.
We may inadvertently: break a confidence; add commentary that may or may
not be entirely truthful; dredge up old wounds; rekindle strife or quarrels; or
become divisive. To drive the point
home, Proverbs 21:23 reminds us that when we guard our mouth and our tongue, we
not only protect others, but we protect our own souls from troubles. To live and love well is to judiciously limit
what we say to and about others.
Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Out of curiosity, I quickly did a search to see if anyone
had determined how many soothing comments that it takes to overcome an unkind
comment. One article in a Christian publication
stated that a minimum it was 2:1.
However, in marriage, some felt that it was likely 5:1. Another study quoted in “Harvard Business
Review” looked at work groups. They
found that business units with medium effectiveness had 1.9 (almost 2:1)
positive comments for every criticism.
However, in highly effective units, the ratio was 5.6:1…almost six
positive comments to offset each critical one.
These articles were older than I would have liked, but make the point
that criticism does damage and we don’t get over it easily. Knowing this better than we do, God
repeatedly instructs us to guard what we say and to encourage one another. While it’s a good starting point, an apology
alone will not overcome a thoughtless word.
Consequently, it is much better to guard our tongues and speak soothing
words of encouragement rather than make destructive comments.
Looking forward
I don’t like recalling past hurts as they have great
potential to stir up much angst that has little relevance now. The only value that they really have is to
remind me to diligently guard my own comments to others. While I have been harmed by more than one
unkind comment, I shudder to think how many I’ve made inadvertently or in the
heat of a disagreement. For the pain
inflicted on me, I must truly forgive just as I must seek forgiveness for the
hurt I have caused. Thankfully, the
example set for me by Rosemary and others like her point me in the right
direction.
May God grant us all the maturity and godly direction to
guard our words well so that they are a soothing balm and encouragement
others. When we are harmed by the words of another,
may we find solace in the soothing words and promises of our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ.
Be ready to do whatever
is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be
gentle toward everyone.
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
Merriam-Webster defines encumbered as impeded, hampered or
hindered with respect to functions or activities. A reality of my life and the lives of others
dealing with chronic illness and pain is that we are encumbered in everything
we do. Those of us are encumbered with
respect to our ability to function are also, by definition, encumbered in our
activities. Often it’s not just the
physical issues but also the mental ones.
It takes so much energy to accept and manage our physical problems and
limitations that we are also mentally encumbered. Further, the problem is not limited to those
with physical or mental problems, but also extends to those who are grieving,
have relationship problems or are enduring some other trial. These may also find themselves encumbered as
they attempt to accomplish the tasks set before them. Despite our struggles, God still calls us to
complete tasks for Him. It is not ours
to question or deny but rather to complete with aide of our Heavenly Father.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
I was reading a devotional by John Piper recently that stressed how we should prepare our hearts during Advent in order to celebrate Christmas properly, i.e. Advent is to Christmas as Lent is to Easter. Too often, we get so caught up in the preparations and parties associated with Christmas that we fail to settle our souls and worship Christ for His priceless gift freely offered. That offer, or rather our Savior’s invitation, is the basis of our celebration for without it, there is no peace, joy or forgiveness. While Matthew 11:28 is not a passage normally associated with Advent, it does speak to the heart of Christ’s mission as He came to earth and dwelt among us so long ago.
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.”Ephesians 1:18-19
We have a pair of binoculars stored in our closet that belonged to my parents. I remember looking at them as a child and learning how to use them. Employed correctly, they provide clarity; however, used improperly they distort making matters worse than if they had not been used at all. The same principal applies in our lives when we fail to look at things from God’s perspective. This is true with respect to both our circumstances and our interactions with others. It is a matter of hope and faith.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.Hebrews 10:23
For several years after I became seriously ill, I didn’t plan any events in my life. I had no confidence that I would be around for the long haul, therefore, planning was out of the question. The problem was a lack of hope. While I still had the hope of eternity, I had no hope that God would sustain my body or that I could endure. Eventually, that lack of hope made my soul sick. Thankfully, God sustained me and slowly began to educate me on the finer points of living well before Him. One of those lessons was that there seem to be two kinds of hope: jubilant hope and steadfast hope. While I had witnessed plenty of examples of jubilant hope e.g. the hope that comes with: salvation, marriage, or a healthy newborn child, and the like, I had no living images of steadfast hope to lean on. The culture in which I was raised didn’t deal kindly with people who openly discussed their problems and therefore, was devoid of discussions regarding God’s use of trials to mold, shape and equip them. In that light, let’s consider a few images of steadfast hope, specifically hope that is: teachable, observant, patient, resilient, faithful trusting that God is enough.
“Evil plans are an abomination to the Lord, but pleasant words are pure.”Proverbs 15:26
I recently spent a couple of weeks with my mother-in-law. As she likes to listen to the news a lot, I heard just about every broadcast regarding the Judge Kavanaugh hearings. Our culture seems to have lost the concept that people are innocent until proven guilty. As I listened, to the newscasts, I was struck by the fact that I was listening to them in Danvers, Massachusetts. For those who are unaware or need a refresher, Danvers was originally Salem Village. In the late 1600’s the town held witch trials that resulted in the death of 25 people…19 were hung and another six died in custody. (One of the victims was Rebecca Nurse whose house is shown above. See also Britannica.com) The trials started due to the behaviors of some girls that could not be explained medically and were, therefore, assumed to be satanic. Lack of information, bad assumptions, and false accusations led to a tragic end. The words of the girls and others involved led to the abominable deaths of innocent parties. Contrary to the poem many of us learned in grade school, words have the power to harm and destroy; they also have the power to heal and encourage. That’s why our use of words is so important.
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
This month has me taking three driving trips which, for me, is a bit aggressive. However, God has provided the grace to endure thus far. As I was driving alone last week, I spent a bit of time considering some similarities between taking a trip and living our lives. “A trip” is one of the many metaphors for life…and we only get one life to live. Consequently, we should do our best to live it well. The following are somewhat random musings linking the trips we take and the lives we live.
Beauty
For the Lord is a great God and a great King above all gods, in whose hand are the depths of the earth, the peaks of the mountains are His also. The sea is His, for it was He who made it, and His hands formed the dry land. Psalm 95:3-5
At the halfway point in my travels, the most recent excursion included the drive across upstate New York. I love this drive as the scenery is beautiful. As with all of creation, it is pleasing to the eye and the work of our Lord. We do well to appreciate and relish the beautiful things that this life has to offer. Dwell on them when times are hard as they are lovely and lighten the soul. Consider also that our Lord’s hand not only created the beauty of this world, but also directs the events of our lives.
Worship
And beware not to lift up your eyes to heaven and see the sun and the moon and the stars, all the host of heaven, and be drawn away and worship them and serve them, those which the Lord your God has allotted to all the peoples under the whole heaven. Deuteronomy 4:19
Since much of our world is populated, there are few places left that are devoid of man-made structures. No matter how lovely or complex they may be, I find them to be a distraction from the natural beauty created by God. They are, as it were, lesser things that pale in light of God’s creation. Similarly, God’s creation is the lesser thing when compared to Jehovah. So many religions worship idols, ancestors or nature. We must remain ever vigilant to worship God alone. In short, we are to worship the creator not the creation.
Focus
Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Colossians 3:1
To arrive safely, one needs to stay focused on both the destination and the route. Wrong turns, or worse leaving the road at a high rate of speed, likely leads to delay or a serious accident. To live life well, we must stay focused on eternity and Christ, our only path to heaven.
Delays
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
There are various reasons that our trip may be delayed. A few of those are: roadwork, accidents, or rush hour traffic. By slowing down, we protect road workers, victims, emergency technicians, policemen, and other travelers as well as ourselves. Be patient…the delay is justified. In life, God may put people or events in our lives that appear to slow us down. Our Lord always has a purpose; among them are instruction, correction and encouragement. All of these are to edify us and make us complete.
Correction
Poverty and shame will come to him who neglects discipline, but he who regards reproof will be honored. Proverbs 13:18
Driving too fast may lead to being stopped by the police. Their role is to maintain safety on the highways. The delay may be costly, but increased awareness of safety for yourself and others is valuable. The godly who lovingly rein us in spiritually are a blessing not a harm. Appreciate both their love and the hand of God directing them to us.
Arrival
When we arrive safely at our destination, we readily acknowledge God’s hand of protection. Even if we are delayed or have an accident, we may still acknowledge His protective hand at work. It is hard for us to say that God has protected one who does not survive a trip physically. However, He has brought them safely home to abide with Him; the place of utmost safety and their reward. Personally it has taken many years for me to recognize and accept that truth.
Almighty God is so creative. The beauty of the earth, the sky, the heavens and all that they contain are proof of that. Similarly, He has created each of us as unique individuals with unique gifts. The people that He directs into our lives and the events that He uses to mold and refine us are just as unique. For those who love Him, He has one goal: safe arrival in Heaven.
In our culture, it is common to separate our spiritual lives from our physical ones. However, as Christians, we should, as our Lord does, see them as one in the same with God directing us both physically and spiritually. Our physical circumstances help us to grow spiritually. Likewise, our spiritual growth teaches us to respond appropriately to our circumstances recognizing God’s hand in both. Praise God that He lovingly directs our lives at all times. His watchful care brings peace to turmoil of our lives.
The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.
“Trouble and anguish have come upon me, yet Your commandments are my delight. Your testimonies are righteous forever; give me understanding that I may live.”Psalm 119:143-144
Healthy relationships are built on knowledge, understanding and grace. Sharing a conversation with a person will, in most cases, allow one to get to know them. However, that does not necessarily mean that they have any kind of significant relationship…at this point they are, for the most part, acquaintances. Solid relationships are built when people share their lives. They celebrate the high points together, comfort at low points and offer aid, wisdom and guidance in the midst of struggles. Grace covers the gap between knowledge and understanding as well as when there is a need for forgiveness. Developing a strong relationship takes time and effort but yields a great reward.
Last week I was looking for scripture verses to post on social media and came across Psalm 119:43-44. Despite having read and sung it many times, this time it struck a nerve. The natural tendency of any human when faced with trouble that causes anguish is to seek understanding. The important question is: what kind of understanding?
