God is the Strength of My Heart

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Psalm 73:26

Strength is one of those things that waxes and wanes, varies from person to person and can be considered in terms of physical, mental and spiritual attributes.  No matter what aspect is being considered, at the core of this discussion we must remember that any form or degree of strength that we have is provided and sustained by our Heavenly Father in Christ.  

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Praise God!

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord while I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.  Psalm 146:1-2

I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.  Psalm 104:33

Waking up on a bright and warm sunny day, I’m reminded of Psalm 19 and feel that the heavens are calling me join them in praise of our God. 

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Meditation

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”  Psalm 19:14

Between the inability to focus brought on by my illness, lack of attention encouraged by the plethora of electronic gadgets, chronic fatigue and general laziness (if I’m honest), godly meditation does not come easily for me.

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Hope

My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.  He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken.  On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.  Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.  Psalm 62:5-8

As I sat to write this week’s post, I must admit that while I generally knew where I wanted to go with the topic, I was at a loss as to how to start.  For inspiration I decided to search for a definition of hope. 

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What’s In Your Tool Box?

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  Philippians 4:8

How often do you play the brainwashing tapes?  You know, the ones that keep you miserable.  While there are likely current and legitimate issues that are cause for concern, how many of your thoughts start with phrases like: “I could have”, “I should have”, “I wish I had”, “How could they” or “What will happen if”?   If you’re like me, the greater question is what tools do you have to stop them, do they work and are they readily used?

Personally, my mind can be a scary place, especially when I have too much time and don’t feel well…those often go together.  If I’m not careful, I start dwelling on all of the negatives.  For example, the state of our nation and the current political scene makes me want to bury my head in the sand.   Then there are the difficult or broken relationships and events in the past that I just want to fix or rewrite for a different outcome.  If my illness is invading my life more than usual, I can obsess about what needs to be done to mitigate the symptoms.  There are also the struggles my wife and children are facing that I would like to remedy but must wait for God to handle.  If those aren’t enough, there is fear of the future and what it holds.  The list goes on, but you get the point.  There are a plethora of issues that the devil can use to distract us and undermine our faith…or at least weaken it to the point that we allow ourselves to be sidelined and our joy and hope to be evaporated.  However, if we work on it, we can accumulate tools to help us avoid the trap.  Today I’m letting you take a look at a few of mine which are, admittedly, most necessary when the body is weak and the mind is active.

One of my first defenses is pictures.  They are always there.  While I was still able to work, two collages of nine pictures each hung in my office.  One was of our family and our parents and the other consisted of pictures of events or activities…things like dancing, skiing, and vacations.  These were pictures taken since my illness invaded.  The purpose was to remind myself that no matter how bad things get, they are not always awful.  There are moments and even periods of time full of enjoyment and blessing.  The pain is still there, but so is the enjoyment.  Having those visual reminders around helps me to take the focus off of the negatives and on to the more positive aspects of life.  Now that my office is in my home, it is full of pictures.  I just checked; there are over 130 pictures to remind me of times and people that have and do bring me joy.  While most fall into the last 58 years, there are a few back to the 1940’s and earlier.  Everywhere I look, there is a reason to dwell on something pleasant.

Music is another help.  If my mind starts drifting to the dark side or my body begins to hurt, I’ll often play music.  I have an eclectic collection from alternative to world genres recorded over the last 80 years or more that can cover just about any issue.  However, the darker the mood, the more I lean to Christian Contemporary to reinforce biblical truth.  If I am totally honest, the more I hurt, the louder the music is played.  My wife can tell how bad I feel by how much the windows are rattling when she pulls in the garage.  On the worst of days, the dog won’t even stay in the house.   Recently, I was feeling off and decided to employ my IPod.  I decided to use a playlist that I had prepared for my father’s funeral, but never actually used.  Do you think that was an odd choice?  So did I, but it “called me”.  I had intended to wallow a bit, but as I listened, I felt my spirits lifting.  When I considered the unexpected result and the irony, I realized that all of the songs reflected hope…hope in our Lord and the blessings expected in eternity.

When able, a change in activity helps or at least moving to a different room or sitting outside.   At times, it takes getting out of the house to reorient myself.  Gardening is good for that and has the added benefit of being in the sunshine and fresh air.

These are all environmental stimuli.  They help us because we are physical beings that react to our surroundings.  They are important and effective, but there are also the spiritual tools of prayer and scripture.  Sadly, I fear that they are easily neglected because they are more active than passive and, therefore, require the intentional use of our minds.  Something that we may not feel up to but is required to maintain our mental and spiritual equilibrium.

Philippians 4 also reminds us to employ prayer.  “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)  Humbly pour your heart out to God.  But note the “with thanksgiving”; we may not always feel thankful, but the act of obedience often leads to a thankful spirit even when times are difficult.  A thankful spirit is always lighter.  Further, consider confessions as well as requests.  I say this because I was convicted of it through a couple of devotions and passages God sent my way this morning.  (One you can overlook one as random; a pattern is hard to explain away.)  You may say “I’m just frustrated” what do I have to confess?”  Consider a few things I had to confess:  trust, is not our fear often founded in a lack of trust that God will handle our situation as we see fit rather than as He deems appropriate; rebellion, are not many of our anxious moments forged by our inability to accept what God has ordained for us; forgiveness, many of the stressors in our relationships often come down to a failure to forgive or at least love as we should; or laziness, not properly maintaining our souls allows us to forget our hope and lose our perspective.  A great conclusion for prayer is Psalm 119:159 “Consider how I love Your precepts; revive me, O Lord, according to Your lovingkindness.”

Also consider scripture which is not only helpful in lifting our spirits, but is also useful in maintaining our spiritual armor.  With its availability in both written and audio form, one can adjust the amount of energy necessary a bit.  When I’m feeling anxious, I often start at Matthew 6 and keep reading until I feel better or am too tired to continue.  There we are reminded: “Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”(Matthew 6:31-33)  When life seems unfair, Job is quite helpful.  Specifically, Job 38:1-42:6 speaks to God’s power and our inability to challenge Him.  Psalm 139 (a personal favorite) reminds us that God has a plan for our lives and that He knows us intimately.   He is most certainly not unfamiliar with or disconnected from our circumstances. When I just don’t know what I need, I go from Psalm to Psalm or just read highlighted portions of scripture in the bible that I’ve used since high school until I am calmed.  In the words of David:  “Remember the word to Your servant, in which You have made me hope.  This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has revived me.”  (Psalm 119:49-50)

In 1 Peter 5:8 we are warned:  “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”  In our weakened state, we are an easy mark.  This requires us to be vigilant and use all of the weapons available in our defense.  That’s our responsibility.  But the good news is that we are not alone.  We have; a Heavenly Father, God Almighty, who loves us and is our Fortress, Tower of Strength, and Deliverer; Christ, the King of Kings who is our Good Shepherd, Redeemer and Advocate; and the Holy Spirit who is our Guide, Teacher and Comforter.   This is my comfort in affliction; let it be yours as well.

Endurance

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  James 1:2-3

I’m glad James used the plural version.  Illness isn’t just one trial; it’s a complex series of trials.  The base line is the illness itself, the side effects of the required medications or the residual symptoms created by a treatment.  Another layer is the endless stream of necessary procedures, or the “random” infection the pops up at a most inconvenient time.  Let’s not forget equipment errors, like dislodging your PICC line an hour before you’re supposed to renew your wedding vows because you were in hurry when you flushed the line.  The social layer is no small thing.  People often don’t understand why you have to cancel plans; why you’re so quiet when you’re just trying to keep it together; or the avoidance techniques you have to develop to sidestep that well intentioned bear hug aimed at the new scar or implant.  And then there are the related social pressures of the well-meaning but misguided to have a better attitude, more faith or resolve that unconfessed sin.  Even the general population weighs in like the TSA agent that gets irritated that you refuse to put your TPN bag on the conveyer despite showing them the IV going into your arm or the person who questions the validity of you using a handicapped space because you don’t have a wheelchair.  Finally, there’s what goes on in your mind in the middle of the night or when your situations seems unbearable: complete terror, doubting God’s goodness and your faith, questioning you’re ability to endure, or worrying about the impact on those you love.  I could go on, but I’ll stop there.  Besides, you have your own set of trials and understand the problem all too vividly.  So yes, James is correct to say trials; but why are we to be joyful?

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Mourning to Dancing

“Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; O Lord, be my helper.”  You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;  You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,  that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalm 30:10-12

Twenty-five years ago, my life was turned upside down by chronic illness. I couldn’t eat, pain was intense and there seemed to be no answers. As the list of things that I couldn’t eat grew and my weight diminished to the point that co-workers were commenting with concern, my hope also waned. Without hope, I became frustrated and short tempered. Normal kept changing and for two years there were no answers. When a diagnosis finally came, it didn’t really answer the questions. My disease is rare and there are no real treatment plans. I could not bear the thought of living with the pain. Nor could I bear the thought of how my illness and inability to cope was affecting my wife and young children. To say that I was in mourning would be an understatement.
I struggled to reconcile my current circumstances with what I had been taught about God and His love for us. Where was all of the goodness promised to those who love God? How could God expect me to endure this pain indefinitely? While sympathetic to my condition, the Christians in my life provided no spiritual counsel. All of the attention was on my physical symptoms, but my soul did not appear to be on anyone’s radar.
For 12 years I wallowed. A change in churches helped. While not directly related to illness, a lot of truth was being poured into my life and my soul began to stir. Finally, I was forced to end my career as a CPA. It was then that I began facilitating a support group for the chronically ill. Truth related to my illness began to flood in. God had not abandoned me, but had been patiently laying the ground work to revive me…to move me from religion and legalism to a relationship with Him. He gave me a different perspective and began to restore my hope. He was, in fact, turning my mourning to dancing.
There were different aspects of change. One aspect was the redefining terms. For example good was no longer what made me happy, but what drew me closer to God and blessing became more related to my soul than physical comfort…not that the two can’t come together. There was also the redefining of my purpose in life. It wasn’t until my career was out of the way that I began to grasp the concept that the real goal in life is to “glorify God and enjoy Him”. It wasn’t about my objectives, but God’s plan…how He would use me as His vessel. Roman 8:28 and Romans 5:1-5 became real and vivid. Finally, there is a change in perspective. Call it a choice, call it spin or use whatever term you prefer, but in the end we either live for the moment or we live for eternity. I’m giving it my best to live with an eternal perspective.
My sorrow has truly been turned to dancing. It does not mean that I have been perfected, that I have all of the answers or that I am happy all of the time. What it does mean is that I face the difficulties of my disease and life with a hope that I did not previously enjoy. Tough circumstances are still a challenge and life is not always comfortable, but for those of us that trust in our Lord, it is always blessed…whether or not we see it. That is our hope and that is what carries us through the dark days.
Clearly this is an introductory post. Hopefully, for those of you with chronic illness, it provides a point of comradery and mutual understanding. Our pain may be different, but the lessons to be learned and the means of coping are similar. For all, it is a basis and context for future posts. In the end, we are called to be the best we that can be within our circumstances and view all of the events of our lives as an opportunity to glorify God and see how He is working them for good in our lives.
The metaphor I’ve chosen is meaningful in that it is both literal and figurative. My wife and I began taking dance lessons in spite of my illness. It is one thing that still brings joy and a sense of normalcy. The concentration that it takes to lead and move around the dance floor without collision while attempting to properly execute various steps take so much concentration, that I rarely feel the pain in my body while I’m dancing. We aren’t always graceful. We tire, have missteps and stumble, but we keep moving and trying to perfect our form. Similarly, dealing with chronic illness takes effort. Our response to illness is a choice and there are several options. We can sit on the perimeter and wallow. Whether bitter or afraid, the affect is still the same, we merely exist. Another option is to stomp through the dance out of obligation. While we may be moving, there is no grace and there certainly is no joy. It is purely obligatory and nothing glorious about it. Finally, we can accept our circumstances and fix our focus on God’s eternal plan rather than our immediate circumstances. In so doing, we move with hope, with joy and with grace and are a witness to those who watch us. Not only is our spirit lifted, but we encourage others as well.
For those of you who understand this concept and allow it to guide you, let us encourages each other. For those who are raw, hurting and confused, I offer that God has moved me from begging for my life to end to being hopeful and understanding the value of the struggle. If He can do that for me, He can do that for you as well.